This past Saturday, I was in Magic Kingdom. It was all a part of the festivities of my sister’s wedding. Ok, she didn’t actually get married in Magic Kingdom (it’s $15,000 to get married in front of the Castle and that doesn’t include a reception, a photographer, that’s just a venue fee!), but on Saturday, the day after my sister strapped on the old ball and chain, the family that was in attendance took the little ones to Magic Kingdom.
My cousins, Brenton and Emily are nine- and six-years old. My second cousin (the son of my cousin, and yes, I realize that is extremely nuts that I have cousins that are six-years-old and cousins that are 35-years-old. Don’t shoot me, I’m just along for the ride) Drew just turned five-years-old in August. All three of them had yet to experience the magic of the Magic Kingdom.
Now, I could give you a chronological detail from the trip over to the theme park in the bus from the hotel (The Boardwalk – amazing! Highly recommend it) and end with the group photo in front of the entrance on our way out of the park, but that would be boring. So, I’m going to highlight the trip and turn this into quirky little travel piece on how to get the best out of your visit to Magic Kingdom.
1. First off, you need the proper ratios established. When we went, we had three kids: Benton, 8; Emily, 6; and Drew, 5. We then had a laundry list of adults. There was of course me, the LB, and Andrea. Kevin’s girlfriend (also an Andrea to be known as GF Andrea) was there, my friend Ryan, and my cousin Jamie and his wife Kendra (Drew’s parents). We had nine adults for a ratio of 3 adults to 1 kid.
You do not want to be outnumbered by kids at Disney. Extra adults mean that someone will be able to take a break from the kids. The only drawback (if it is a drawback), is that someone, at some point may think a child is lost. For instance, Melody went to buy drinks when we were close to a line for a ride. The kids took Kevin, Kendra, and GF Andrea into the line. Melody turned around, didn’t see her kids, and had a mild panic attack at having possibly lost her kids in the throng at the theme park. Then she saw them in the ride line. She felt better because she was then able to rest while the kids waited for the ride.
2. Another big plus is to go after a night of a sweet, undisturbed eight hours of sleep. If you’re taking kids to the park for the first time, it is bound to be a big day and even on the light traffic day (the park was filled to 10% capacity in the morning and gradually had traffic filter in) there will be waits for your favorite Disney characters. Even those kind of creepy characters like Pinocchio get children excited enough to stand in line and wait for an autograph and a photo.
I suggest at least an eight-hour sleep for all attending the park. Please, please, do not attempt going into the park on four, possible three hours of sleep unless you are a psychotic (which I clearly am). You will be tired and if you’re mother is taking some of your luggage home with her that day, you will probably still leave behind quite a bit of shit in your sleepy haste to meet your family members and get to the park.
3. Sobriety is also given two thumbs up at Magic Kingdom. Yes, I knew that the perky, peppy, spunky employees, the heat, the crush of people, and the prices could make anyone grab for a drink, but please refrain. You will need your wits when dealing with kids. Sobriety isn’t the only rule of thumb you should follow, but being in a non-hung over state would also help. Those same things that drive you to drink, they are augmented tenfold in a hung-over state (trust me, I know).
How do I know being drunk in the park is a bad thing? Well, despite the fact that alcoholic beverages are not sold in the park (something my cousin Jeremie who wasn’t in attendance knows), a member of our party still showed up drunk. I’ll leave the person’s name out of it, but I can vehemently deny that it was I. I was hung-over, not still drunk and my head made sure I knew it.
Sure, things with the person started out fine, but some rides can really mess with your head. Take for example the tree house of the Swiss Family Robinson. Once you start climbing that big, old, faux banyan tree up sixty-feet in air, you won’t want to look down. This is also equally dangerous to do in a hung-over state as other members of our party can attest too.
4. The Disney Pin Trading is not just a money pit; it is money quicksand. I first glimpsed the madness of the pin trading a year and a half ago when I went to a camping conference that was held in Disney. Because the conference started at bright and early at 8 a.m., my co-worker and I arrived the day before. We both wanted to go into the park, so we took the earliest flight out and enjoyed Magic Kingdom, a park I hadn’t been to in nine years and fed my pirate fetish and lust for Jack Sparrow.
While there and in the park, I saw kids trading pins like crazy. They traded on the bus with the bus drivers, with the bellman at the hotel, with employees in the park. It was utter pin-trading hysteria.
I knew about the hysteria a year and a half prior to our family visit. Yet I didn’t think that hysteria would stretch to my young cousins. So, I naively bought them both a lanyard to wear around their neck and a pin to put on the lanyard. My funds only stretch so far.
The kids went crazy when I came back to breakfast (we were waiting on several latecomers to the park who called certain family members nuts about not being at the park, and yes, one of these latecomers was the still drunk member of the party) with their lanyards. My aunt Melody even had me show her where I bought them and then bought the kids more pins to trade. Then, my uncle Chris decided that he wanted me to take him back so he could get little Drew some pins of his own (so he could have one waiting for him when he arrived).
It didn’t take long for the hysteria to hit Brenton. He even found out from some of the employees in the park about the pins with the “hidden Mickey’s” which were collectibles. Me, being such a mature adult, decided I needed to get some lanyards too and bought one for me and one for the newlywed bride, my sister.
This still isn’t the end of the pin hysteria. After getting off the Pirates of the Caribbean (Yes, I saw Jack Sparrow. Yes, my heart did flutter!), Brenton was watching Andrea strap on the old ball and chain. Literally. The gift store had one of those old dungeon type ball and chains for sale. Chris yelled at him to get up front because the employee had a ton of “hidden Mickey’s.”
Kevin, Andrea, GF Andrea, and I all laughed because the hysteria was affecting Chris in a big way. We made our way to the front. Melody was waiting up there for us and laughed about her husband, my uncle Chris with us.
“I’m going to buy him his own so he can leave Brenton alone,” she said. She then had Kevin buy the starter kit and give it to Chris. Chris wasn’t the last person to get into the pin-trading hysteria, although he certainly was the craziest about it. Even the Little Brother bought a set.
Kevin, Andrea, and I all got into pin trading if we happened to see cool pins we liked. We did get some “hidden Mickey’s,” but it was more to stick it to Brenton and Chris who were lagging behind. We’d suddenly find ourselves missing two of our party and see the two of them fifty feet back trading like crazy.
The best was when we got off Space Mountain. We were exiting only to be met be a line of people waiting to get out. It seems that the moving walkway had stopped and the employees were trying to get it back up and running. Two minutes later, we were slowly moving forward when Brenton shot back, disappearing into the crowd behind us. Melody yelled at him.
“He has pins, Mom!” Brenton yelled.
Chris disappeared back there to get his son, and I’m sure he traded some pins too.
Moral of the story, pin-trading is addictive. And costly. Bring your reserve stash to the park because you will need it. And make sure to buy the cheap-o jank pins so you can trade for the good ones! I promise you, the employees have the good ones! ;-)
5. The squirt bottles with the fan seem great on a hot, sunny day, but may not be a wise purchase unless you’re willing to purchase one per child. My sister decided to buy one. Emily then grabbed for the bottle and wasn’t about to let any other family member near the spray bottle. However, we could get a spray if we so desired. Let me tell you, it’s wonderful to have a six-year-old hold the fan two inches from you face and then douse you with water.
But that wasn’t all. Brenton and Drew wanted to hold the spray bottle too. They may have been easily subdued with some more Disney purchases until Emily squirted Drew in the face with water. Apparently, Drew really freaks out about water in his face and the seemingly good child had a mini-meltdown after Emily sprayed him in the face.
My suggestion would be to buy spray bottles ahead of time. And to probably not let the kids hold onto the things.
6. Another thing to remember is that you do not want to try to intimidate or scare in anyway a worrisome child about the Haunted Mansion. Knowing the Haunted Mansion is more fun than scary, I tried to get all of the adults to call it simply “The Mansion.” Drew had already freaked before Thunder Run Railroad, but Jamie had him ride it anyway. Drew loved it (as did the other two), and all three of the kids took us back onto the ride for a second time.
However, the “haunted” part of the mansion leaked out. Brenton asked about how scary this was and then proceeded to brag about being in a haunted house in Gatlinburg complete with a chainsaw-wielding maniac at the end that chased people. It seemed like he would do okay in the Haunted Mansion.
Then we were all inside when the foyer began to “stretch.” Brenton flipped out. He cried, he wanted to leave, he was completely panicking. He ditched me to run to his dad who carried him and told him that everybody made it out of the ride okay, that it was just a ride, and that Disney was “a scam” and if they got hurt or didn’t make it out of the ride, then Disney wouldn’t be able to make any more money.
Drew also was a little apprehensive. In a heart-breaking voice he asked “Are we going to be okay, Dad?” Jamie answered him that yes, we were.
As for the third child, Emily felt no fear. And at the end, we all twelve made it out alive and the kids felt much better and laughed about the “hitchhiker” at the end. Moral of the story, if you want to enjoy the mansion, simply call it The Mansion and don’t tease the kids. No one wants to get peed on when the room “stretches.”
7. When you’re getting onto a ride, look for the lines! Our group observed this rule in effect when a group of seemingly Muslim people walked in the exit and simply sat down in seats. Nearly every person in line went more than a little nuts because of the line-jumpers until the ride operators escorted the line cutters out of the seats and placed them at the back of the line. Disney visitors can be vicious when cut in front of. On another note, it’s nice to see that Disney treats people alike regardless of race or religion.
8. Fast passes are miracles! However, miracles have their limits. Remember, Cinderella had to be home at midnight. The best thing to do is to have a course of action and arrive early. Sleep be damned if you have to! We were at the park at 8 a.m. which is when the park opened for guests at the many Disney resorts and hotels. Once every showed up around 9 a.m., we took off for Adventureland where there were no waits for Pirates of the Caribbean and the Jungle Cruise.
Then we trucked into Frontierland and found no waits for Splash Mountain and Thunder Run. After that, we made for Liberty Square and the Haunted Mansion where the wait was minimal.
Next, we went to Fantasyland. There was a 40-minute wait for Peter Pan’s Magic Ride so we got fast passes and made for the Dumbo ride and Snow White’s Journey plus the carousel. The thing with the fast passes is that you can only have one fast pass at a time. So we couldn’t get another fast pass until the time period expired for Peter Pan’s Magic Ride. That didn’t prove to be a problem so we ventured over to Space Mountain. There was another 40-minute wait so we got fast passes then took the kids to Toontown where they went through Mickey and Minnie’s House and got their pictures taken with the happy mouse couple. After that, we claimed our fast pass tickets and went through Space Mountain, a ride both Emily and Brenton loved! Drew wasn’t yet big enough to ride, unfortunately. Our game plan worked perfectly and the kids got to ride a ton of rides!
9. It may seem like a waste, especially when the kids want to see a creeper like Pinocchio, but remember that you’re only young once. Sure, the lines suck, but seeing a child’s face when they hug those characters (both creepy and loveable) reminds you exactly why the park is named Magic Kingdom. When you go, be prepared to do the right thing and let you kids meet all the characters they want. You’ll be rewarded in the end and you’re kids won’t carry a grudge like some people who are still sore over the fact that they never stayed in the monorail hotel and got to eat pancakes with the Mad Hatter (Thanks, Mom!).
10. Allow me to be corny here at the end (Yes, I know I got cheesy in that last paragraph, but Disney has away a shedding the sarcasm from even the most surly of skeptics (which I surely am). You can’t take back that first trip your kids make to Magic Kingdom. As a parent, it is up to you to make the experience memorable. Let your kids have fun. It doesn’t take spending lots of money (ok, maybe it does when it comes to the pins), it’s the rides, the atmosphere, and of course the characters. You may be an adult now and the parade may seem lame, but think like a kid. Those things are magic to them. Don’t let your attitude spoil it for the kids! I guarantee you’ll be rewarded when your children’s smiling faces!
