It feels like ages since I last posted a blog. And now that things at work are at a temporary lull (because believe me, August is going to be a bit crazy, but once September hits, the insanity will not end until December), I find myself a loss for words.
See, this is how it works for me…as the stress climbs, so does the need or itch to write. It’s either that or I call Verizon and flip the script…
That’s not a bad idea…
My phone broke at camp. This is the…fourth Venus I’ve had in eighteen months. I’m averaging one Venus ever three to four months. On the bright side, that does mean that each Venus I’ve had has been under warranty. And before you start pointing fingers, no Venus has had water damage. Knock on wood. I have one more month until I upgrade and I’ll probably screw up the whole “no water damage” thing now. Thank god I purchased insurance.
Venus 1 – I got it in January 2008. In June, the phone turned off and would not turn back on. I took the battery out, and nothing. I plugged it into the charger and saw the screen light up and say charge complete. I tried to turn it on plugged into the charger. No dice. The thing wanted to die and who was I to deny it that simple pleasure. Especially since it was still under warranty.
Venus 2 – Despite me accidentally sitting it on a stove burner that was turned on high, the phone kept working. Although, the battery had to be replaced. Apparently, those high of temperatures kill the mechanism that allows the battery to hold a charge. My phone would work as long as it was plugged in at all times. The battery needed to be replaced. No worries though because the battery was under warranty.
Anyway, March 2009 rolls around. After an invigorating run with the spoiled child, I called mom to tell her how well the baby (11-year-old) puppy did. As I was talking to her, I assumed she got bad service because I heard her saying, “Erin, Erin, hello. Erin, hello.” And then she hung up. I called her back. Same result. I called my brother. He couldn’t hear me. I called my friend Jada and Andrea at work. No one could hear me.
Venus 2 was nine months old (the one with the longest life expectancy) and the speaker went out. I could text, but come on…texting everything? Yes, I’d rather text because I can multitask and text at the same time – also, I can watch my junk TV shows without actually concentrating on a conversation – but a few things warrant a phone call.
Venus 3 – This one might have been my fault…It was June and I was at my day camp. On Monday, I dropped my phone an inordinate amount of times and found that if I talked to someone on the phone and then slid my phone close, it would turn off. I tried taking the battery out, all my usual tricks and nothing worked. Normally, this wouldn’t be a problem. I don’t like talking all that much, but I was at USI for our day camp, it was extraordinarily hot (temps around 95 degrees with heat indexes over 100 degrees easily) and parents were calling concerned about their children, asking how things were, and calling them in absent.
When I woke up Tuesday morning and found this was still a problem, I was concerned. I was also at camp during everyone’s business hours, so getting a replacement phone was not going to be easy. Then someone tried to text me. I had no idea who sent the text. No number popped up. Very peculiar.
Once I arrived at camp (early to get the day rolling), I called Verizon and reported the problem. Since we had no phone at camp, they had to call me back on someone else’s phone as they took me through the trouble-shooting tips. They got my texts working, but my phone wouldn’t stop shutting off after a phone call. They ordered me a new phone. This was Tuesday morning. I didn’t get the phone until Thursday night. On Tuesday, the girls asked why I wasn’t shutting my phone. I explained. Over the next couple of days, the little girls had no problem reminding me not to close my phone. On Friday, I shut my phone (Venus 4) and they flipped on me until I explained I had the new one.
The best part of the entire camp was when one of the middle school girls asked me if she could have my old phone, the one that turned off after phone conversations. She made sure to tell me she didn’t mind if it didn’t work, she just liked and it thought it was way cooler than her phone (Yes, I did catch on that as a middle schooler, she had a cell phone, something I didn’t have until right before my sophomore year OF COLLEGE!).
So know I am on Venus 4 and it simply has to limp through another month so I can get my upgrade. What’s sad is that I didn’t get around to getting my address book transferred until this weekend (Yes, it had been five-six weeks since camp had let out, I am aware). And this is why I’m upset with the Verizon people.
The Verizon store is on North Green River Road on the east side of town. However, it is a good five to ten minutes from the Lloyd Expressway and Green depending on the traffic. If it was at the Lloyd, this wouldn’t be a problem because I could shoot over on my lunch break (ten minutes tops to get there) and get everything all taken care of. However, that extra ten minutes means a driving time of 40 minutes round trip. That translates to only 20 minutes spent at Verizon.
I went over there a couple of times on my lunch break to find ONE PERSON working the service desk after 1:30. The place was BUSY. I had two people in front of me. One of the people was a little old woman. I don’t have anything against old people, but I do see a correlation between age and understanding technology. The old you are, the less you understand. I am not blessed with patience. When I saw that old woman there, my mood quickly turned to bad. Five minutes later when I heard the sales guy EXPLAINING HOW TO USE HER PHONE; my bad mood quickly went nuclear. Another five minutes passed and the old woman still HAD NO CLUE WHAT THE SALESPERSON WAS TALKING ABOUT. Nuclear wasn’t the word to describe the level my anger quickly jumped to. It spiked off the chart. I’m pretty sure that if you would’ve harvest my anger and funneled into a weapon, you could’ve taken all of Asia off the map! Doomsday machine times 30! That was the level my anger was at.
I huffed through another five minutes of babble that allowed me to think about a couple of things.
1. If Verizon boasts the nation’s biggest wireless network (numbers wise, not size), why did they only have one person in tech support? Was the economy that bad? Ok, the answer to that might be yes, but I think a couple of jobs are safe. Like grocery stores. People may start buying the cheaper brands, but everyone needs food and grocery stores are going to stay in business. Based on the number of people that have cell phones, contractual and pay-as-you-go plans, I don’t think I could believe these companies are actually losing revenue.
2. If the economy is that bad, stop shelling out money on ads that are the very EPITOME of stupid! I don’t shell out money to you every month because of some little jackass saying “Can you hear me.” In fact, I don’t even like you as company. I only have you because everyone I know has Verizon and those that don’t are in my Fab Five. So I pick the plan with the lowest minutes and never go over. I also add unlimited text because that’s VERY important.
3. One tech person at a time is a stupid idea. People get backed up. When I STORMED OUT (And I made sure to let them EXACTLY how put out I was with them and how their store was in the worst place ever and how someone shouldn’t have a phone if they need a 30-minute tutorial on how to simply make a call (Setting up address book is an additional 30-minute tutorial with text…oh…that would probably be an hour for someone technologically incompetent to even begin to grasp the basic principles of texting) and how I would get back there when I got there. I’d go back once I could work them into my schedule and if they wanted my old useless Venus 3 back, they were just going to have to wait because they clearly aren’t trying to accommodate me, so why should I be a good customer and accommodate them and their cheapness of only ONE TECH PERSON! Note: This one tech person is really driving me a bit insane. Even the slowest banks that I worked at had a minimum of two people EVEN AT LUNCH TIME.
4. If cell phone companies insist on making a quick buck off of these inept people, they must have a tech person SOLELY for the inept. This is the equivalent of a regular check-out lane and an express lane at any other store. Seriously, because when I’m simply buying my Granny Smith apples or picking up some potatoes and turkey burgers for dinner, I DO NOT WANT TO BE BEHIND THE MOTHER OF SIX WHO IS SHOPPING FOR THE ENTIRE MONTH. Likewise, when I’m at the cell phone store and want a simple address book transfer, I do not want to wait on the old woman who doesn’t understand that the send button is the button she needs to push to make a call or the clueless sorority girl who dropped her phone in water and can’t seem to understand how warranty doesn’t cover that kind of stuff. I have work to do because unlike those who are lazy, I don’t receive a government handout.
*Verizon, I’d take heed. These are GOOD suggestions. And unless you convince my friends and family to change networks, I’m not going anywhere. That means, you’ll have to continue to deal with me (evil, maniacal laugh)!
Anyway, back on track, I can’t go over there during my working hours, but since I’m at work when they open and at yoga/committee meeting when they close, I pretty much only have lunch. I could go on Saturday, but the store isn’t close to my house. And the section of Green River Road I would have to travel is under construction and I really can’t deal with that traffic (As if my notorious lack of patience would have anyone think any differently). Not to mention gas. The price of gas just…enflames me. Every time I see it rise, I lose a piece of my mind.
Note to Pres: Thought you were going to handle this. Sure, prices are down, but the past two weeks, they’ve climbed twenty cents each week to only come down ten cents a couple of days later. This is exactly how it started when gas got to $4/gallon last year – TAKE CONTROL, DOUCHE!
Back to the Verizon store. Anyway, because I don’t like to drive to the east side for JUST ONE THING, I tend to wait. However, the problem is that my Vitamins and books can easily be bought on a lunch break, and I don’t want to wait until the weekend to do this stuff in order to take care of my cell phone drama. Also, Borders has the annoying habit of having coupons only good for Tuesday and Wednesday or Wednesday and Thursday.
The other thing about going over there on a Saturday is that I like to relax, possibly take a nap. And I can’t do that if I get nuclear angry at a little old woman. It takes way too much to calm me down. That means a nap is out of the picture and I really like my naps. And I like doing absolutely nothing until noon when I can go to the gym because it has been cleared out of most of the people (I know, I have antisocial tendencies). And then I come home, maybe eat some cinnamon toast and then possibly take a shower if the sister and I are going to go to dinner. If I’m not working, laziness is my middle name…but before you start casting stones, you should see how much I do work. And to be 27, single, and childless…it almost feels wrong to be this busy. It’s one thing to not have a life once you’re married and have kids, but it’s another to be single and childless and have no life. Plus, if I had kids, I’d probably have little heathen monsters and work would be my escape!
But, I finally got my address book updated this weekend and the old broken Venus 3 mailed back to Verizon. All it took was me flipping out because I left my wallet at work on Friday. Because it was 8:30 a.m. and I was at work on Saturday, I decided, what the hell, and swung by the OUT-OF-THE-WAY Verizon store. Miracle of miracles, they had just opened. Some guy transferred my address book lickity-split as soon I as walked inside.
But then…he got a little snide.
I gave him the stuff to send the phone back. And he said they didn’t do that at the store…
Oh…you know…
I said: Fine, Verizon will get this phone as soon as I find time to get to a Cellular Connection because I PREFER to do my business there. They are always helpful and have mailed my phones off for me. I’m only here because I have VIP status and get free transfers.” Yes, cheapness oftentimes is my middle name.
To which he then replied: There is a shipping place a few stores down.
It’s a shame I had to get prickly in order for him to get helpful. I’ll mark another one down in the column for reasons to hate Verizon.
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