A Meltdown is Imminent!

I’m about to have a meltdown.

The only reason I’m not having one right now is because I went to the gym and after 20 minutes on the elliptical, I was wetter than a Playboy model in a wet t-shirt contest.

It was so satisfying of a workout that my stomach is churning and the chocolate-covered strawberries (another reason why I didn’t completely meltdown) that I had for lunch is threatening to make a reappearance.

It’s been a long time since I had good meltdown. I’ve had some mini-meltdowns, but I think my last one was in 2007 when I sunburned my lips and found out the special prescription chap stick still cost me $80 and that was after my insurance paid for HALF!

Seriously, there is almost nothing as pitiful and painful as sunburned lips.

Except, my legs after a grueling, stress-relieving run with the puppy…

Meltdowns aren’t something I like to have.

Well, truth be told, emotions aren’t really something I’m good at expressing, even like expressing. I equate emotions with weakness and showing a weakness is a way for people to control you.

But every now and then, emotions collide. Most often this happens when every aspect of my life happens to be falling spectacularly apart.

Work – I have a banquet this Saturday that will have 350 people in attendance. Over 150 will be receiving awards. Another 60 will be receiving goody bags for helping out in various ways. A slide show needs to put together and the pictures for it just got to me recently and are decades old and need to be scanned. That’s on my to-do-list as well as making sashes.

Yes! Me! Exuding some kind of stereotypical feminine skill like sewing. I have a couple of pairs of pants, pants that I like, chilling on my desk because the button has come off and I don’t know how to sew it on.

Family – Things aren’t bad with my mom and sis and the LB. But the man formerly known as my father or Lord Voldemort has resorted to sending me certified letters concerning my health insurance.

When I got my job, he acted like he wanted to be a father. I got employed at a small NPO with no health insurance and he agreed to pay for my health insurance. But now…ok…follow this:

On January 17, 2009 (the night of his surprise 50th birthday party) he went in for a haircut from my sister at 3:45. In the fifteen, twenty minutes it took my sister to do his hair, she pissed him off. It was something about his girlfriend (who broke up the parents’ marriage) and not being comfortable with her. She wasn’t being shitty, she was expressing a fact. You ARE supposed to be honest with family.

Well, he went ape, called the mother and bitched to MY MOM about ME! That’s right, he complained about ME! What I did to him, I have no clue about. He told her ridiculous shit about me not liking her boyfriend, her boyfriend’s kids, about how I wanted to live with him, but was afraid of how she’d react…etc., etc.

Mom hung up on him because he was being crazy and called me to ask me about what he was saying. She didn’t raise her voice, she wasn’t pissed, she just wanted to know what was going on. Well, I WAS MAD! I didn’t want to go to the party, was forced to go to the party, and my father completely ignored us. He has not called me since. He has not even sent me one forwarded e-mail! That’s a bit miraculous since I had dubbed him Michael Scott because of his proclivity to send me forwards that were forwarded to him (even one that I had received from others).

Long story short, he's mad because I'm mad that he LIED about me!

Anyway, I have since received TWO certified letters in the mail from him.

The first one:

Affective May 1st you will be responsible for your insurance. The bills will be mailed to you.
Love ya
Dad.

I don’t know what was more offensive – the content or the bad grammar. I mean, I realize that I make my fair share of mistakes, but when I’m handwriting a note, especially such a brief note, my grammar and word usage (because “affect” deals with feelings and emotions) are correct.

The second one was a bill for his extremely, ridiculously expensive insurance that covered nothing and has a price tag of $146. Like I’m going with that insurance! There was also an envelope in there with no postage. I am NOT about to pay to mail him something.

I’m debating on whether or not I should fax him something saying that my Medicare application was a success. Would that be too much?

Relationships – Seriously I don’t think I’m going to go into this one, but trust me…its been better.

When things go bad in all three of these aspects of my life, it’s kind of like…well…think of me like an atom and those three aspects are my “electrons.” The more negatively those things get, the more unstable I become until the electrons just kind of go haywire and a meltdown occurs.

Yes, I know I’m a nerd.

Anyway, look for me at the end of the week. If I’m still alive by Saturday, inebriation will be my goal.