Right when you think Tom Cruise can’t get any crazier, he goes and tries to burn the house down.
Ok, before you start googgling Tom Cruise, crazy scientology, and pyromania, the real Tom Cruise (as far as I know) has not tried to burn his house down.
Mac, the ten-year-old Brittany Spaniel of mine who has earned the moniker of Tom Cruise, did try to burn our house down.
I know, I know, how in the hell does a dog burn the house down, right? Let me tell you, I have no idea. I’m still trying to piece those details together myself.
This is what I have learned so far:
Andrea left for work in the morning. Her lamp was off and sitting on her nightstand. When she came home, the lamp was turned on and laying on top of a blanket that was on top of the cord for her phone charger. The lamp had been laying there turned on for long enough to burn four wholes in the blanket, melt the cords on the cell phone charger, and leave a mark on the floor.
Before you say it, allow me. TOM CRUISE IS CRAZY!
And yet still strangely smart. I mean, he’s a dog, Focker, he doesn’t have thumbs! Yet he somehow managed to turn a lamp on. That takes some skill. I mean, imagine your thumb gone!
Seriously, fold your thumb down so only four fingers are showing, walk over to a lamp and try to turn it on with just the thumbless hand. I’m not talking about simply flipping switching, I’m talking about doing some turning of that little switch actually on the lamp.
Yeah, my DOG turned that switch! He turned that switch, and when I try to turn it without the aid of my thumb, I feel like some physically inept reject who will always need someone there to help me because if I can’t turn a simple switch, how am I going to eat food? Cut my meat? Make a margarita?! Oh wait, I just have to push a button there. We’re good! We’re good. Of course, I’d have to pick up straws because it would be awfully hard to pick up a glass without my thumb (Note, I did just try to pick up my water bottle without my thumb. I was not successful). I could use one of those fun margarita glasses though and hold it between my pointer middle finger! That would work!
Could you imagine being a smoker and smoking a cigarette without a thumb? Rolling a…cigar without a thumb, using scissors without thumb! If you were at an event with a chocolate fountain, you better recruit some help to get your chocolate-covered fruit from the fountain! It wouldn’t be easy to write. Of course, typing still seems possible. I use my pointer fingers for the space bar when I need to space. The thumbs aren’t used much by me when I’m typing.
This is a little off topic, but I’d love for Tom Brady to lose his thumb. Can’t be a world-class QB missing a thumb, can you Tommy Boy!
God I hate him.
Anyway, the point is that without a thumb it would be might hard to turn a light on. And yet, my dog has done just that and so much. I mean, if it weren’t for the whole fact that I might’ve been living in a hotel tonight, I’d be very proud of him (Honestly, I am a little proud of him). To lack thumbs and still be able to do what he did…it’s an incredible.
He truly is the world’s greatest dog.
Or maybe…
The world’s craziest dog.
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