The Pyscho Ex and His Tour of Campus!

Hidden, deep in the recesses of boyfriend’s past, every girl has a psycho-ex. Even I, someone who can count on one hand the number of serious relationships I have been in, have a hidden psycho, crazy ex locked away.

I’m not necessarily ashamed of this psycho ex – if it weren’t for him, I might not have been as good of friends with Steve – but I don’t tell this story mainly for lack of plausibility. And unfortunately every tale of this individual is true. And after the one night…I got rid of him and never looked back (and perhaps that’s why this story doesn’t bother me…had I stayed with him after this…maybe…just maybe…I would think back to this night with a sickening feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach and not with the laughing nostalgia reserved for only one of my fondest stories after a couple of glasses margaritas with girlfriends).

His name was Joe.* I met him at a Super Bowl party back in 2003. My friend Stephanie had a friend from high school that rented a house and was throwing a Super Bowl party. One of his roommates was Steve. Joe was a “friend” of Steve. I use that term loosely, but during the night of the Super Bowl I was under the assumption that were indeed quite good friends.

Anyway, I had a few drinks (but wasn’t anywhere near intoxicated) talked to him and he was a smart guy, not bad looking, and he had a six-pack stomach (Shut up!). We didn’t get into anything too complicated after the party wrapped, but we exchanged numbers and before he left, he gave me a kiss. Completely PG which was appropriate because I’d only known him for a few hours and we had “hit it off.”

During the next couple of weeks we talked on the phone and through instant messenger. He couldn’t come visit for Valentine’s Day but he did say that he’d like for me to be his girlfriend and he could come up the next weekend.

The next weekend was a home basketball game and I had season tickets with my friend Stephanie, Pandy, and Brandon (who was a friend, then a boyfriend, and back to being a friend). Stephanie was going to be home for the game, so I let Brandon know what was going on, and then gave Joe the ticket.

We get to Assembly Hall and file into the balcony (shitty seats, part of why Stephanie didn’t mind missing the game) and we sit Pandy, me, Joe, and then Brandon. The game is close – it was Davis’ second season coaching and we had reached the finals in the NCAA tourney the previous year. Tom Coverdale, a Hoosier fave was in his final season and we were a decent team.

Students who attend IU basketball games actually pay attention to the games too. You don’t sit and catch up. You don’t sit and talk about homework. You sit and talk shit about the refs, the other team, bitch about missed rebounds and three-point shots, and of course, CHEER your team on to victory. And we did win.

I know Joe is new to all of this, but I told him not to do Power Hour (or Century Club) before we left for the game. Its one thing to have a couple of beers before the game, but it’s another to be bombed out of your mind before the game even begins. And he was.

So we get to the game and a little bit after half time, he starts getting pissy with me for not talking to him. Hello! It’s an IU basketball game! There’s a reason we’re so hard to beat at home. Also, the crowd has been threatened with technicals before (True story against Ohio State).

With five minutes left, he starts talking shit about me to Brandon, talking loud enough for me to hear and getting me even more pissed as the clock winds down. Brandon is trying to calm him down. Out of all of my friends, Brandon knows exactly how a bad a move this is for Joe. But it doesn’t work. I’m fed up with him and can’t deal with him and with seconds left on the clock, the last time out is taken and I look at Pandy and ask her if she can drive a shift (Joe’s car is manual). I call Steve and ask if Joe can sleep there tonight because there is no way I am sleeping in an apartment by myself with this guy. I’d either kill him or call someone who would. Steve says no problem. And then I hang up the phone with Steve and walk out of Assembly Hall where we are met with a student group who is passing out condoms.

“We’ll need one of these tonight,” Joe says.

Pandy and Brandon start laughing. I catch myself before I tell him he has a snowball’s chance in hell.

Anyway, the four of us walk to my apartment (it’s the closest to the stadium). Brandon asks me if I need any help, but Pandy and I assure him we’re fine. He wishes us good luck and then leaves. Pandy and I take Joe upstairs and make the mistake of asking him if this is all of his stuff. He acts kind of bewildered for a minute, but I don’t get any complaints. He’s just so sad and pitiful. I tell him Pandy can drive his car over there, but he says not to worry about it, he’ll get it in the morning.

Pandy and I bundle him into my car, drive him to Steve’s house, and then head out for a margarita. After our drinks, we come back to my place and watch some movies. About midnight, I hear something outside my door. But this is an apartment complex at a college, so its very possible its either people coming or going.

But the noise, its kind of peculiar in the fact that I keep hearing it. And finally, Pandy begins to hear it too. We look at each curiously, turn the volume down on the TV a bit and that’s all it takes for Joe to get louder. Having heard the TV volume go down, he apparently knows he has our full attention.

I grab my cell phone and go and hide in my bathroom while I dial my friend Henry who lives close by. I’m hoping Henry can convince him to leave. But Henry doesn’t answer. I try Steve, and don’t get an answer. Kind of what I expected because I knew he was going to party with some more friends who were in town (Steve’s from around Cincy. Joe and these other friends all went to high school together). Brandon is also out too. I’m not about to subject any of my girlfriends to this, and the only other person to call is the Marine recruiter, ex-recon husband of my closest friend Rachelle who happens to be in Iraq at the moment. If I call Bill, the husband, I know he will seriously hurt Joe. And I don’t want that to happen. So Pandy I stay in the bathroom listening to what he says and trying not to laugh too loud. This was some of the stuff:

“How could you do this to me?”

“What is the matter with you? I thought you were perfect?”

“I’m so sorry, but you’re so perfect and I just want to be with you.”

“I want to be with you, please open the door so I can be with you.”

“Why are you being so mean, you were supposed to be so perfect.”

I have no idea what was up with him thinking I am perfect. I will be the first to testify that I am not! And I really don’t think I want to be with a guy who considers me perfect, drunken stalkering aside.

Anyway, after about an hour, he left. I didn’t really want to wake up by myself to hear him banging on my door and telling me I was perfect, so I spent the night at Pandy’s. I was awakened at four in the morning to hear “Wonderwall” by Oasis playing. I grabbed my cell and said hello. The voice of an operator came over the line and I hung up. No way in hell was I accepting that call!

Anyway, I go back to sleep and wake up at the proper hour of noon. Pandy and I make some small talk before I drive back to my apartment. On the way over, I call Steve and hear some interesting news from him.

Apparently my place wasn’t the only stop on Joe’s list. At Steve’s, he kicked the coffee table, punch their homemade bar and tried to go with them to the party they were going to. Steve told him no because he was too drunk and tried to put him to bed. Joe followed them out of the house then took off running the opposite direction. Knowing it would be a losing battle to get him, Steve and his friends took off for the party.

To give you some geography about our beloved Indiana University, Steve lived a couple blocks off campus on the Westside. I lived on the far Northeast corner. Indiana University is fourteen blocks from top to bottom. Meaning, if you live in where I live, it takes you at least forty minutes to walk to class (which is in the southwest corner of the campus, completely opposite where I live).

From what we learned from conversations with other friends, Joe apparently stumbled around, making his way to the library (which is in the heart of the campus) before he fell into the lake at the library. Cold, (it was February) he walked around trying to get into the buildings. But all the dorms were locked. Somehow he found his way to my apartment then (Joe omitted this part when he talked to his friends). After that, he stumbled to White Castle (a couple of blocks off the far Southeast corner of the campus) and had a few burgers. He then walked about seven blocks north then turned and walked about three quarters of a mile to a mile to arrive at Eigenmann Hall (one of the closest dorms to White Castle). Eigenmann is in the middle of the eastern perimeter of campus. He fell asleep at Eigenmann. He woke up in the afternoon, made his way back to my apartment and left.

When I got back to my apartment, his car was still there. Oblivious to his escapades last night, I called Steve and to figure out how he ended up at my place. Steve called him, but he didn’t answer. To avoid him, I went to lunch at Jimmy John’s with a friend, walking a few blocks to the restaurant. When I got back, his car was gone. Knowing the exact magnitude of his insanity, I checked my car for a note. But there was none.

So I went into my apartment and chilled then checked my schedule for the coming week. I found little notes he had scribbled to me. They said: Why? How could do this? Please, no.

Yeah. A little creepy.

So I called Steve and told him. That’s when Steve told me that he tried to warn me from the guy. Well, he told Stephanie that he didn’t think Joe and I were a good couple, but wouldn’t give us a reason why. Stephanie didn’t understand what his deal was, but she did tell me that Steve didn’t like us together. When we asked him why, he stonewalled us and wouldn’t say.

I found out later that Steve wasn’t exactly sure how to tell me his friend was actually crazy and really wasn’t even that close of friend since he had technically only talked to me a total of three times (all before we went out for the night, leaving still not-quite-twenty-one Steve home).

Anyway, the story doesn’t end there. A couple of days later I went to fill up my car. I opened the gas door and found a note. I’m really not sure why I didn’t keep the note, but I called Steve and then that evening I went over there and showed him the note. I could paraphrase what was in the note, but then I’d just be repeating myself from the earlier stalking and marking on my planner.

So just was crazy. But all was note lost as I gained one of my closest friends in college!