I would gladly live on a deserted island in the middle of ocean w/ a lifetime surplus of rum and of course, Jack Sparrow, as long as there were marshmallows and rice crispies.
Yes, I love chocolate…and OH MY GOD chocolate covered strawberries! Chocolate covered apples, but rice crispies just make me smile.
And they are so easy to make! A bag of marshmallows, six cups of rice crispies, a little butter, and you’re set! Just melt the butter and marshmallows then pour in the rice crispies!
Cooking is something I am only just now getting the hang, but baking, that’s something I haven’t minded doing b/c I have a bit of sweet tooth (hence my large ass). And when I went to college and didn’t have a kitchen in my dorm, I was a little sad. I couldn’t bake any cookies or my rice crispies.
One weekend I came home and mom asked me to go to the store with her. She should’ve known right there and then that taking me to the store was a bad idea, what with the time I spilled a relish tray for Christmas dinner and how I love to run down the aisles and punch all the boxes of food, but she ignored all that and asked me along. Maybe she thought I could act like a mature adult. Anyway, she thought wrong.
I bugged her for snack packs, tried to Entemann’s snack cakes to the cart, and slammed dunked the TP into the cart when she asked me to grab it for her. All of these antics were met with a deep sigh of a disgust and an eye roll. It was enough to fuel me on.
Anyway, we were at the checkout when I decided to pester her for stuff for rice crispy treats. She sighed, but relented and told me to hurry as she began to put the items on the conveyor belt for the clerk.
I took off at a sprinter for the cereal aisle an grabbed the rice crispies. This got another look of disgust as I hastily threw the cereal box onto the belt with the other groceries.
This look, couples with the quickness of the clerk led me to do perhaps that greatest thing I have ever done in the grocery.
It just so happened that the marshmallow aisle was located in a direct line with the checkout we were using. I sprinted down the aisle and grabbed the bag of marshmallows. My mom yells down at me to hurry up. I look and see that the cashier has scanned all of our items.
I stop running at the halfway point of the aisle, pull my right arm back and release the marshmallows in a perfect spiral pass right into the outstretched arms of Jerry Rice! Touchdown! Score! Rice and Young rock!
Only…
Rice didn’t catch the ball.
Curiously enough, the Jerry Rice that was currently scowling at me was a tiny white woman I called mom. And mom didn’t seem none to pleased with the Hail Mary I tossed right down the aisle to her.
Now, I know I’m a pain in the ass. I know I annoy and exasperate my mother , but she can take a lot of it. However, I know when to stop pushing the envelope. So, with my head hung low, I trotted up the aisle to the checkout lane.
“I cannot believe you,” she hissed at me. “You just…just..CHUCKED those marshmallows at me! I can’t believe it. They landed on the floor and of course the clerk looked at me and asked if I was going to pay for them1 Does your idiocy ever stop!”
“But, mom,” I whine, “it was straight to you! All you had to do was lean forward with your hands out and you would’ve caught!”
The fact that I seemed to think she might catch enflamed her even more. However, she did manage to calm down, after she told me I was trying her last nerve (which I have been trying ever since the tender age of five) and laugh.
So if a crazy, immature college kid make rice crispies, a drunk, immature employed adult can definitely make rice crispies! And there isn’t much better than making rice crispies after you’ve drank a liter of margarita with the sister, listened to the old Cranberries’ song Zombie while driving over and over again from the grocery store.
Then you stumble in, chuckling about it being “you head,” turn the stove on and then get to stirring the marshmallows and butter.
The problem comes when you need to put the rice crispies treats into a pan to cool. Being somewhat tipsy, you can tend to forget exactly how hot the rice crispies are and burn your hands.
Then you can distracted by you sister who entices you to start singing songs by the group America, talk about Land Before Time and start doing Sharp Tooth impersonations. The sibs think I was a dinosaur in a previous life because I do quite the Raptor impersonation (courtesy of Jurassic Park) and I’m pretty good mimicking the T-Rex (also courtesy of Jurassic Park). In fact, for Christmas one year, the Little Brother even bought me a t-shirt that he made especially for me. On the front it says “Putts,” which is an inside joke from Beverly Hills Cop 2, but on the back it says “The Raptor.”
Then because of America the group, we began talking about The Last Unicorn and singing the songs from that movie (America wrote the songs for the cartoon). And that led to us popping in our childhood favorite movie The Last Unicorn.
Yes, I do it own DVD. Do you have a problem with that?
Oh, and guess what! The rice crispies were still yummy despite all the drunken shenanigans that were going on (and if you don’t believe something like that ever happened, I unfortunately have documented evidence of its existence).
Which is why I know I would make good rice crispies on my deserted island with Jack Sparrow! I’d be drunk from all the rum, and of course, I’d be distracted!
I’d be with Jack Sparrow!
Hello!
No comments:
Post a Comment