I don’t know what the fuck happened, what obscure deity I pissed off, but someone up there clearly hates me and likes to see me miserable. Either that or my guardian angel has quit.
Because it can’t be possible for someone to have this kind of luck.
And I haven’t broken any mirrors in the past seven years…but with my luck, I’m contemplating breaking my mirror and see if bad luck + bad luck = good luck.
Let’s see if I can take it from the top…
February 2007 – I quit the bank thinking I can get a new job anytime soon. Anytime soon becomes October. Somehow, I still made enough money to cover health insurance, cell phone, and Hacienda margaritas. Clothing though was a luxury I could not afford.
July 2007 – The ignition goes out on my car. Something I can’t afford seeing as how I’m unemployed. Thanks, little Saturn.
May 2008 – (I went nearly a year!) I start having more ignition problems. New keys are given to me, the ignition is taken to locksmith. No one can figure out the problem.
June 2008 – My new Venus quits working (But, knowing my luck, I bought the insurance and it sure paid off).
June 2008 – The ignition is being a bitch again. My dad offers me his Camaro convertible. Going 56 mph in a 50 speed zone, I get pulled over. And ticketed. I do the deferral program.
July 2008 – My engine starts acting up. The motherboard goes down in my laptop.
December 2008 – More engine problems. My Ipod Video gets stolen compliments of a drunken family member who left the garage door up.
January 2009 – I get another ticket (41 mph in a 40). Had I been going 39 mph, he would’ve only given me a warning (Thanks for telling me jerk-off). This cancels my deferral program meaning I will know have to pay for both the tickets on my insurance. By the way, they haven’t even tried to find who stole my Ipod. FUCKERS!
Also the relationship I decided to resume with my father (after he divorced my mother and went completely nuts) is ended after he gets pissed at my sister, calls my mom and starts telling her shit about me that is completely fabricated. I hadn’t talked to him, hadn’t seen him, why he chose to throw me under the bus is something that still is a bit foggy to me…
February 2009 – I get Mono
March 2009 – The ignition decides to go out YET AGAIN! The microphone in my cell phone also goes out.
YES! Yes! Can anything else possibly go wrong?
I know, I know. I have a job, I should be grateful. I’m not commenting on that.
Anyway, its not like other aspects of my life have gone stellar as well. Romance? That’d be a big negative. In the past six months, I’ve gone out with three guys more than once. One ended up being married on the second date (That was nice of him to omit the first time). The other one turned out to be a bigger workaholic than I am (and that’s saying something because I wouldn’t know what to do with all the excess time if I just worked a 40-hour week) and the other one was probably way too good for me. Anyway, no need to invite the kind of bad luck I clearly bring into someone else’s life.
And my ass is still the size of a barn.
So, if anyone has some good luck to throw this way – be it in life, love, or career, please feel free!
But for now, I am going to curl up with The Count of Monte Cristo and a man like Edmond Dantes – prison doesn’t even keep him from his love!
Oh cry me a river.
ReplyDeleteBeen on dates with three guys, huh?
Haven't been NEAR a woman in nearly three years.
So kiss my lily-white ass.
But I do love you Peyote Coyote. Perhaps you'll do me a favor and relieve me of all this pesky annoyance I call life!
ReplyDelete